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Looks like DH is in a downward spiral

For today you have food in the house, a roof over your head and clothing on your body. Somehow, it is not enough for DH, who might see his success in terms of how much he wants as opposed to how little he needs. Give him all the support he needs, just don’t get into more debt.

If you aren’t allowed to work in order to receive adoption support, why would you not use that money to help feed, cloth and shelter your family? Don’t get into more debt.

Unless you and DH are able to come up with a mutually agreeable financial plan to get over this crisis, it will continue indefinitely.

Money and debt problems are sometimes no different than drug addiction or alcoholism. I feel stuck, trapped and unwhole if I do not leave the house with money in my pocket, even if its only a dollar. And I have to spend it. I have to buy something. If I don’t have any money, I’d rather not go out. I’m getting better but it is still tough. Don’t get into more debt.

Please help me to understand men

DH has been very depressed the past few days. You know i mentioned the bank mistake last month? It is even worse than I thought but it is okay- DH tells me we need almost $1200 to pay the rest of the bills and it is his short pay period and in addition to that work took his loan payment from that check- this is why he is so upset. He doesn’t feel like a man or like a good provider. Believe me that is the farthest thing from the truth! I am thankful that I could finally get him to talk to me about it.

It took a lot to get him to relax enough to discuss it. To top it off good friend died last weekend and he didn’t tell me because he didn’t want to drag me down. He is accustomed to have several $1000 dollars in the bank but problems (including a $1000 error on the bank act) depleted it to less than $500 and his check will be about $500. We also took fast $1000 loan here and I told him it was okay- my child support check comes any day and will cover the rest but he said it isn’t the same- he should have provided it.

I don’t see the difference in him using the money now for bills or waiting for me to use it later on food, clothing and such. but it has something to do with his maleness. He said he will get a loan to cover the rest of it- it defies my logic when it isn’t needed (more loans more debt). I do understand that the male pride deal is there and I am thankful he feels so strongly about supporting us- he said he isn’t much of a man because real men support their family.

I am not allowed to work more than a scant amount- it was a part of the adoption agreement and that is why we get adoption (child) support. He keeps insisting it’s my money to spend and not for him to use on the house. He also says the money he earns is for me to spend as well and I do! It frustrates me to no end. When he got to work today he learned that another good friend was taken to the hospital with a major blood clot in his brain and was flown to Seattle to Harborview Medical Center and is in bad shape. Too much too close together.